Fear of the unknown.

In the constant roller coaster of ups and downs I've been feeling prior to my departure I keep coming back to a few moments of serious fear and anxiety.  My general overall feelings about leaving are amazing and positive and overall I just can't wait to get to Thailand and start this new adventure.  Then there's little moments of realizing how long I'll be gone, how much I'll miss, and what it will truly be like to be away from friends and family and everything familiar.  I take solace in the fact that technology is advanced enough around the world these days that keeping in contact with everyone and staying updated on current events should be relatively easy.  I should have reliable access to e-mail, internet, facebook, etc., and I'll have a cell phone. I've had a few fleeting moments of questioning whether I can really do this. I know every day won't be perfect, I might not accomplish all the amazing things I hope to, and I will have bad days. The next several weeks should be interesting. I know I'm putting a certain glorification on things here now because I'm getting sad to leave, and thinking about all the 'what if's' of staying here instead of leaving for 2 years.  I'm certain that if I wasn't doing this, or if for some reason I decided not to go, that I would eventually regret it....but that doesn't mean that I don't get slightly terrified of moving to Thailand for 2 years, knowing full well that everything (including me) could be different by the time this is over.

Happily anxious.

I've developed a pretty amazing, ever-changing perspective as my departure gets closer. I hate to think that I ever took things or people for granted, but I truly appreciate all of the amazing people and things in my life right now.  I'm not sure if I've never been happier, or if the prospect of leaving the country for 2 years has made me realize how truly amazing my life has turned out, and just how happy I am with it. Throughout this whole process I've tried to keep an open mind and not set my heart on any decisions I have to make after the Peace Corps is over.  I know things will change over the next few years, and I don't want to close myself off from opportunities that might come up during that time.  But in thinking about my future I can't imagine ending up anywhere other than Chicago.  I've always wanted to move to New York City, and while I love it, I'm not sure I'd ever be truly happy living there. Chicago has become home to me, and I'm in love with this city.  I've never thought much about settling down, nor have I wanted to or pictured myself doing so...but I think I've started to get to a point where, after this whole Peace Corps experience and after I've (hopefully) been able to travel the world just a little bit, I might be ready to start thinking about it.  Like I've said before...this is a really weird place to be in right now...preparing to leave for 2 years while enjoying friends, family, and all the comforts of living in this country. I think this blog will be an interesting way for me to see how things start and change over the next few years...

Peace Corps application timeline

Throughout the Peace Corps application process I found it extremely helpful to look at other application timelines to get an idea of where I was in the process and how long I had to wait at certain steps.  There's a lot that goes into determining how long the process takes, but it's always helpful to have something to compare to.  In the midst of my application process the Peace Corps changed the way they do the medical clearance process.  Everything was being put online, and the way an applicant becomes medically qualified completely changed.  I now had no other applicant timelines to compare mine to, which was a little frustrating at times.  But now that I'm most of the way through everything, I figured I'd put my timeline together in the event that someone happens to stumble upon this blog needing some reassurance that the waiting, while frustrating, is totally worth it.

April 3, 2012: Application submitted online (including all transcripts and letters of recommendation)
April 18, 2012: Received an e-mail from my recruiter in Chicago, requesting more information (skill addendum, vegetarian and relationship questionnaires)
April 27, 2012: Received an e-mail from Peace Corps recruiter requesting an interview
April 30, 2012: Interview! My recruiter told me I'd hear from him within a week or two - I didn't, so I contacted him to check-in. He let me know about the changing application process, and that they were still considering my application for nomination (basically knew by this point that I would be nominated, but didn't know anything more than that).
June 14, 2012: Official nomination!  I was also told at this time about new PC medical clearance process; basically I have to wait until mid-August to hear/do anything else - bummer.
July 25, 2012: Notified by e-mail about nomination and changing medical clearance process. Directed to go online to fill out Health History Form (earlier than I expected to hear anything from PC - great surprise!)
August 22, 2012: Medical Pre-Clearance.  Based on the information I submitted I am medically pre-qualified, which means I should be being considered for placement soon!
**Received several e-mails from PC during this time about new medical process, online medical portal, next steps, and some correspondence with the placement office about a few questions (specifically asked if I'd be ok with riding a bike several miles a day)
September 28, 2012: Invitation! I received an e-mail from PC (didn't read the subject and therefore didn't realize it was my invitation - just immediately opened it!), and the first thing I saw was 'Thailand' in big bold letters!
October 1 2012: Invitation officially accepted. Now begins the process of getting final medical clearance (dental appointment, physical, immunizations, etc)
November 7 2012: Final Medical Clearance! Now all I have to do is prepare for the biggest change of my life happening in just over two months. I can't wait.

75 days

I'm stuck in this strange, ready to leave but also wanting the next 75 days to last as long as possible, phase.  I've been doing so much to prepare myself to leave while enjoying everything about home that I know I'll miss terribly while I'm gone.  My departure seems so close but still so far away.  I'm sure it'll be here before I know it, but for now I'm in a strange state of almost-transition.  It's weird, but as much as I try to explain it to people they can't truly understand it.  I'm trying to soak up every bit of everything before I leave, because I have no doubt that I will be forever changed by this experience, and nothing will be quite the same as it is now. It's strange to think about, and a pretty amazing feeling as well. I finally feel like I'm doing exactly what I should be doing, at the exact right time in my life to be doing it. I can't wait to see what this adventure brings.

Invitation!

I got an e-mail on Friday from one of the placement officers I've recently been in contact with.  I didn't even read the subject line (which I noticed later said Invitation to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer).  I opened the e-mail, read the first line and almost peed my pants. I'm going to Thailand!!! I'm still in shock and I don't think it's fully set in yet.  I'm officially accepting my invitation today and leaving in January! I'm over the moon excited...also a little overwhelmed with everything I have/want to do before leaving. I'm going to Thailand!!!

Application follow-up

I received an e-mail yesterday from a Placement Specialist in DC who had reviewed my application and requested a couple follow-up items (updated resume info and a youth questionnaire).  The questionnaire asked about why I wanted to do youth development; where I'm willing to go; when I can leave; what I'm willing to do without with regard to living arrangements (whether I can live without an indoor bathroom, electricity, away from other volunteers, etc - all of which I answered yes to...hopefully I won't come to regret that decision later).  It also asked about the top 5 challenges I expect to face, which really made me think seriously about how hard this is going to be (but also how amazing/rewarding).  The challenges I listed were definitely something to think about, but I think it's just another step of preparation in this whole process.  I had a moment of anxiety yesterday when I was completing this form...kind of a 'holy crap I'm thinking about living in another country with the possibility of not being able to pee in a real toilet with no electricity for 2 years' moment.  It's getting so real, yet still so far away.

I heard back right away after sending my updated information in and was told I would be contacted in the next week or two to discuss my application and the Peace Corps in general.  I'm hopeful that this conversation will lead to my formal invitation (everything I've read online indicates that this is like a final interview, reviewing suitability for a specific placement).  The mix of emotions is killing me...excitement, anxiety, fear, nerves.

I'm tired of people asking me where I'm going and when I'm leaving and having to answer with, I don't know.  I want to know where I'm going so I can start planning and making all these decisions that I have to deal with before I leave.  I could talk about this for hours. I can't wait.

Waiting...again.

I'm torn between the anxiety about wanting to receive my official invitation and the contentment of enjoying life as it is, knowing in a few months it could all change.  Usually when someone's nominated for PC service they are given a country and tentative departure date.  I was given one date and three countries.  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited at all three possibilities...but it's hard to think about each of them individually and not start to get my heart set on any particular choice. I still haven't told a great number of people about my potential departure.  I'm tired of anwering the questions of 'where are you going? when do you leave?', with just a simple I don't know. I have no idea.  Because in all the PC related blogs and internet sites I've read, they tell you anything can and will change right up until the day you leave.  So basically, I could be going somewhere completely different than where I was nominated to go, in a completely different month.  I daydream about leaving; where I'll go, what I'll be doing, how hard the transition might be. I can't count the number of times I've envisioned the day I leave in my head, saying goodbye to all things familiar. I'm anxious to leave but also have so many things I want to do before I go. I'm in transitional agony.

Medically pre-qualified!

I got an e-mail yesterday morning from the Office of Medical Services letting me know that based on the health history form I'm medically pre-qualified for Peace Corps Service! My information is now being sent to the Placement Office, where they'll review my file and consider me for various countries of service.  Crazy to think my life is in their hands as far as where I'll be spending the next two years of my life.  I'm not sure how long it'll take to hear anything, but the next thing I hear should be an official invitation!

Starting the new medical process!

I've received several e-mails in the past few days regarding the new application process updates and the changing medical process.  I wasn't expecting to hear anything until August 15th, but today I got a few messages from the medical office prompting me to complete the Health History Form.  Basically I answered a bunch of questions about past/current medical issues, surgeries, health issues, etc.  Now that that's filled out I just wait to see what the next steps are for any follow-up I might need to do with regard to my medical history.  It's getting seriously real now, and I couldn't be more excited, but the nervousness and anxiety that's been in the back of my head the whole time is also getting much more real.  I'm still processing the idea of leaving in 6 months. Life as I know it is changing, and I'm trying to soak up every enjoyable minute I can while I think about the future and what's to come...

New medical process

In the past several months I've read countless blogs about Peace Corps experiences and application timelines, most of which have helped ease some of my anxiety and frustrations about this whole process.  However, now the PC is starting a new medical procedure, and since I'm among the first groups of people to try this whole thing out, there's unfortunately no blogs with helpful information about any of this.  I've read so much about the medical packet, what's entailed and how long it takes.  Now I just have to wait. again.  I have to wait until the new system is up and running on August 15th before I can know what's next. I'm doing my best to just enjoy the summer and pay off most of my credit cards in preparation to leave, but it's always on the back of my mind. Where will I go? When will I leave? What if something comes up medically/legally that will prevent me from going? So many unknowns and yet I can't stop myself from thinking about getting rid of most of my personal belongings in exchange for an amazing new life experience. Three weeks. I've been counting down since I got nominated. Three weeks.

Perspective

I've noticed a shift in my thinking and attitude as I get closer to the next steps of the application process.  I've begun trying to organize my belongings and get rid of things that I've held onto for far too long for some reason.  I'm trying to take stock of what I can keep and what I'll eventually have to get rid of before I leave - a significant challenge to say the least. In my efforts to pay off my credit cards and try to save a little money before leaving I've refrained from spending money on clothes and other materialistic things (also because I'm aware of how much stuff I have and the fact that I'll have to do something with it before I leave).

There's something comforting about getting rid of all the things that don't really matter and preparing to pack up my life (although my potential departure is still months away).  It's like the ultimate detox. I've spent so much time acquiring clothes, shoes, accessories, decorations, and hundreds of other things that have all but lost their value, sentimental or otherwise.  I've daydreamed about getting rid of everything except for the clothes and supplies I would need for traveling the world, and doing just that - starting with Peace Corps and even beyond. I'm excited for the next chapter of my life to start, and I want it to be filled with the kinds of experiences that I can only get from traveling the world.

This is the part of the application process I read so much about: waiting.  Waiting for the new medical clearance process to get started, waiting to see if I'm approved, waiting to see where I could be spending 27 months of my life.  I've done so much reading and researching about Peace Corps in general, as well as the countries I could possibly be going to, and it's hard not to look at one or all of them without thinking about living there.  It's hard to keep my mind open to the possibility that my invitation could be to a completely different country than one of the three I was nominated for (which apparently happens quite often in the application process).  I'm anxious to know, to find out what happens next and where I could be going; but at the same time I'm trying to appreciate what could be my last summer in the country for a few years.  I've started to mentally prepare myself as far as everything I'll have to go through in preparation to leave the country...what I'm going to do with all my personal belongings, what will happen with various contracts I have (cell phone, gym membership, lease - all of which can be taken care of, but nonetheless still something I need to think about).  Another month or so and hopefully I'll be on my way to being medically cleared.  I'm very curious about this new medical clearance process they'll be rolling out, and I just hope it's smooth and efficient enough for me to move through rather quickly. 

Nomination!

I got a call from my recruiter yesterday morning and I'm officially nominated for the Peace Corps! I'm nominated for youth development programs leaving in January 2013 with possibility of service in North Africa, Asia, or the Caribbean! I'm still trying to process everything but I'm so excited. I have to wait until August to get started with the new online medical clearance procedures, then if everything gets approved I should find out where I go and when I leave sometime late fall. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that in 7 months or so I could be packing up to leave for 27 months in a country I've never been to. It's hard to believe, really, and I'm not telling many people yet because for some reason I think it might jinx it or something. For now I think I need to start preparing myself and my life for an amazing new adventure.

Waiting

It's been almost one month since I had my interview. I was getting a bit anxious about everything so I e-mailed my recruiter to check-in with him about my application last week. He responded saying they were opening up some new programs at the beginning of June, at which time he'd see if anything matched my skills. I took that as a good sign that if something appropriate comes up, I'll be nominated. However, if nothing comes up to match my skills, it might just mean more waiting. I'm starting to get a bit more nervous about my job contract ending in 6 months and not knowing what comes next, but my heart is still set on joining the Peace Corps, so I'm willing to wait it out. I can only hope the next month will bring good news.

Interview

I had my interview this morning. Going into it I was painfully nervous, and had a bit too much coffee, which didn't help anything. As soon as I sat down and started talking with my recruiter I felt more at ease. He went through my 'file' and reviewed my application with me, asking about any changes. Then the interview began. I'd prepared and knew what to expect, and nothing he asked was a surprise. I asked a few questions when we were finished, and then he took my fingerprints before we finished up.  Start to finish the entire process took about 2 hours, which I expected. He said I'd hear back within a week about programs I could be matched to. This is already the longest week of my life, and it's been merely hours since my interview ended. I keep running things through my mind, wondering if something I might have said would deem me ineligible/unfit for service. Now I must wait. Easier said than done.

Well nothing like getting things going....I've scheduled my interview for Monday. As in 3 days from now. Holy crap.

Finally a step forward...got an e-mail from my recruiter about scheduling an interview! Small, but significant, step in the right direction. Now begins the somewhat daunting task of interview preparation. The interview is what determines whether or not I'll be nominated for service, and that is slightly terrifying. My mind is racing a million miles a minute, wondering about all the possibilities and thinking about the potentially huge changes that could take place in my life in the next year.

The beginning.

Two weeks and 1 day since I submitted my Peace Corps application. I'm terrified of being rejected. It's hard to think about what I might do if I'm rejected because this is all I want right now. I know I'm a good candidate and my experience complements everything having to do with the Peace Corps, but I can't stop thinking about every little reason why I might be rejected. I received an e-mail yesterday from my recruiter requesting more information, most of which I had already sent. This is going to be a long process. I knew that going into this, but being at the beginning is a little painful. I've spent hours looking at other people's application timelines and studying the Peace Corps application timeline wikipedia page. I should find out soon if I'm invited to interview, which is a good first step...I just hope I'm invited to interview. I hope I can look back at this a year from now and laugh at my incessant worrying and doubt.