Fear of the unknown.

In the constant roller coaster of ups and downs I've been feeling prior to my departure I keep coming back to a few moments of serious fear and anxiety.  My general overall feelings about leaving are amazing and positive and overall I just can't wait to get to Thailand and start this new adventure.  Then there's little moments of realizing how long I'll be gone, how much I'll miss, and what it will truly be like to be away from friends and family and everything familiar.  I take solace in the fact that technology is advanced enough around the world these days that keeping in contact with everyone and staying updated on current events should be relatively easy.  I should have reliable access to e-mail, internet, facebook, etc., and I'll have a cell phone. I've had a few fleeting moments of questioning whether I can really do this. I know every day won't be perfect, I might not accomplish all the amazing things I hope to, and I will have bad days. The next several weeks should be interesting. I know I'm putting a certain glorification on things here now because I'm getting sad to leave, and thinking about all the 'what if's' of staying here instead of leaving for 2 years.  I'm certain that if I wasn't doing this, or if for some reason I decided not to go, that I would eventually regret it....but that doesn't mean that I don't get slightly terrified of moving to Thailand for 2 years, knowing full well that everything (including me) could be different by the time this is over.

Happily anxious.

I've developed a pretty amazing, ever-changing perspective as my departure gets closer. I hate to think that I ever took things or people for granted, but I truly appreciate all of the amazing people and things in my life right now.  I'm not sure if I've never been happier, or if the prospect of leaving the country for 2 years has made me realize how truly amazing my life has turned out, and just how happy I am with it. Throughout this whole process I've tried to keep an open mind and not set my heart on any decisions I have to make after the Peace Corps is over.  I know things will change over the next few years, and I don't want to close myself off from opportunities that might come up during that time.  But in thinking about my future I can't imagine ending up anywhere other than Chicago.  I've always wanted to move to New York City, and while I love it, I'm not sure I'd ever be truly happy living there. Chicago has become home to me, and I'm in love with this city.  I've never thought much about settling down, nor have I wanted to or pictured myself doing so...but I think I've started to get to a point where, after this whole Peace Corps experience and after I've (hopefully) been able to travel the world just a little bit, I might be ready to start thinking about it.  Like I've said before...this is a really weird place to be in right now...preparing to leave for 2 years while enjoying friends, family, and all the comforts of living in this country. I think this blog will be an interesting way for me to see how things start and change over the next few years...

Peace Corps application timeline

Throughout the Peace Corps application process I found it extremely helpful to look at other application timelines to get an idea of where I was in the process and how long I had to wait at certain steps.  There's a lot that goes into determining how long the process takes, but it's always helpful to have something to compare to.  In the midst of my application process the Peace Corps changed the way they do the medical clearance process.  Everything was being put online, and the way an applicant becomes medically qualified completely changed.  I now had no other applicant timelines to compare mine to, which was a little frustrating at times.  But now that I'm most of the way through everything, I figured I'd put my timeline together in the event that someone happens to stumble upon this blog needing some reassurance that the waiting, while frustrating, is totally worth it.

April 3, 2012: Application submitted online (including all transcripts and letters of recommendation)
April 18, 2012: Received an e-mail from my recruiter in Chicago, requesting more information (skill addendum, vegetarian and relationship questionnaires)
April 27, 2012: Received an e-mail from Peace Corps recruiter requesting an interview
April 30, 2012: Interview! My recruiter told me I'd hear from him within a week or two - I didn't, so I contacted him to check-in. He let me know about the changing application process, and that they were still considering my application for nomination (basically knew by this point that I would be nominated, but didn't know anything more than that).
June 14, 2012: Official nomination!  I was also told at this time about new PC medical clearance process; basically I have to wait until mid-August to hear/do anything else - bummer.
July 25, 2012: Notified by e-mail about nomination and changing medical clearance process. Directed to go online to fill out Health History Form (earlier than I expected to hear anything from PC - great surprise!)
August 22, 2012: Medical Pre-Clearance.  Based on the information I submitted I am medically pre-qualified, which means I should be being considered for placement soon!
**Received several e-mails from PC during this time about new medical process, online medical portal, next steps, and some correspondence with the placement office about a few questions (specifically asked if I'd be ok with riding a bike several miles a day)
September 28, 2012: Invitation! I received an e-mail from PC (didn't read the subject and therefore didn't realize it was my invitation - just immediately opened it!), and the first thing I saw was 'Thailand' in big bold letters!
October 1 2012: Invitation officially accepted. Now begins the process of getting final medical clearance (dental appointment, physical, immunizations, etc)
November 7 2012: Final Medical Clearance! Now all I have to do is prepare for the biggest change of my life happening in just over two months. I can't wait.

75 days

I'm stuck in this strange, ready to leave but also wanting the next 75 days to last as long as possible, phase.  I've been doing so much to prepare myself to leave while enjoying everything about home that I know I'll miss terribly while I'm gone.  My departure seems so close but still so far away.  I'm sure it'll be here before I know it, but for now I'm in a strange state of almost-transition.  It's weird, but as much as I try to explain it to people they can't truly understand it.  I'm trying to soak up every bit of everything before I leave, because I have no doubt that I will be forever changed by this experience, and nothing will be quite the same as it is now. It's strange to think about, and a pretty amazing feeling as well. I finally feel like I'm doing exactly what I should be doing, at the exact right time in my life to be doing it. I can't wait to see what this adventure brings.