The one about weird stuff

One of the biggest concerns I had when arriving in Thailand was being able to fit in with the culture in terms of rules and norms and all that stuff.  I wanted to learn all the nuances of Thai culture so I could ‘fit in’ and not be just another offensive American.  I’ve learned a lot and would like to think I can successfully navigate my way through daily life in Thailand while respecting these cultural norms.  In addition to all this, I’ve noticed a lot of things that are so different from what I’m used to that they make me laugh, terrify me, and/or just confuse me.

Traffic laws:  I’d love to know what they are here (or if they exist).  Every time I get in the car to go somewhere I get scared for my life at least once – and this is coming from someone who spent the last 6 years driving in downtown Chicago.  Sure the main highways have lines on them, but they don’t mean anything.  Want to pass someone while oncoming traffic is present? No problem – just make sure you honk at them and/or flash your headlights so they know there’s potential for a head-on collision.  What if you happen to be the oncoming traffic and someone passing is heading straight for you?  Just make sure you swerve off the road giving them enough space to continue passing other cars – oh and don’t worry about the fact that motorbikes use the shoulder and often carry at least 4-5 people and sometimes have a driver that looks about 12 and have their own ways of breaking the non-existent traffic laws.  I would absolutely love to know the requirements for obtaining a license to drive in Thailand.

Naptime:  You know how so many adults complain that they’d love to have naptime implemented in the workplace for adults?  Well Thais love naps.  Naps are the solution for so many things.  Tired at work?  No problem – just lean back in your chair and rest your eyes for a bit.  It’s too hot?  Take a nap!  Just woke up and ate breakfast?  Sounds like it’s naptime!  There’s always time for a nap.  Thais also love hammocks, which are perfect for napping.

Public displays of hygiene:  Thai people will cover their mouth when they’re using a toothpick to get food out of their teeth but then pick their nose in front of a group of people with absolutely no shame.  Don’t get me wrong – I enjoy picking my nose as much as the next Thai person, I just don’t understand the discrepancies between covering a toothpick in your mouth and not covering a finger up your nose.

Farangs (foreigners):  My villages have a fair number of older white males living in them who are married to Thai women.  Whenever people see one of them while we’re at the market the following exchange tends to happen:

Thai person:  Mamie – farang!  Do you know him?

Me:  Nope – I don’t know him (I never look because I never know them)

Thai person:  But you are same same (referring to the fact that we’re both white)

I then try to segue into a discussion about how not all people who look the same are the same, and how people who look different can be similar.  They never seem very interested in this part – probably because my Thai version of this discussion doesn’t make much sense (and sometimes they’re just convinced we’re the same anyway).  Sometimes the person I’m with will go up to this other farang and ask him where he’s from (Norway, Australia, Italy, Germany – everywhere but America).  I guess this happens in America on a more subtle level (thinking all Asians are the same, for example, instead of distinguishing between Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.), but this is the first time I’ve been on this side of things.

Literal meanings:  English has so many different ways of describing the same things.  Americans are too wordy.  Granted my knowledge of Thai language is still somewhat limited, but there are so many words that, literally translated, just make so much sense and make me think that Thai people are in fact very witty and clever.  A few examples:

Bathroom – hong naam (room water)

Bedroom – hong nawn (room sleep)

Ice – naam kaeng (water hard/strong)

Airplane – krueng bin (machine fly – this might be my favorite so far)

I’m convinced that these are the prime examples of why people say the Thai language is easy to learn (I also don’t believe those people).  Some of the most enjoyment I get here is reading the English on clothes.  My personal favorite was a t-shirt that was on a guy who was accompanying all the beauty contestants for the Songkran beauty pageant which said ‘sleep with me free breakfast’ in big bold letters on the front. 

On being subtle:  Thai people will be the first to tell you if something's amiss with your personal appearance.  Although there’s a lot that I still can’t understand, Thais seem to tell it like it is.  Gaining a little weight?  They’ll be the first to point it out.  Getting too tan?  You’re looking like a Thai, and that’s not really a compliment because Thai people look at pale white skin as being more beautiful (go down the beauty aisle in a store and almost everything you see will be advertised as ‘whitening’).  Mosquito bite on your arm?  They’ll tell you about it and touch it and ask if it hurts and tell you how red it is.   My host mom one day told me that in the mornings I look beautiful because my face and skin are white, but in the afternoons I don’t look beautiful because my face is red (usually after a good sweaty bike ride).  Sometimes it’s funny, but if you’re having a rough day and someone comes up to you and says you look fat today, it’s not so funny (well it still kind of is).  They’re also not shy about admitting to their most recent bout of diarrhea….or the foods that give them diarrhea….or asking if you have diarrhea.

Stereotypes:  You know how in America people sometimes assume that Black people are good at basketball and Asian people are really smart? Well Thai people assume I’m here to teach English (among other assumptions about being white).  While I have started teaching English at my office and plan to incorporate it a little into all my activities, I explain that I’m not actually here to teach English and plan to do youth development activities with teens – going into as much detail as my Thai allows.  They usually look a little confused, and then ask me when I can teach their children English.

I think this comprises a good list of things that I love/hate on any given day here.  Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s frustrating, sometimes it’s confusing…but it’s my life now, and it’s a little crazy.